Raising Self Esteem

self esteemThe concept of raising self esteem is often misunderstood. The focus too often goes towards our ability to interact with the world outside. Yet self worth and self esteem are first and foremost about the ability to maintain a healthy relationship with ourselves.

Overcome Self Esteem Issues

Raising self esteem is the ability to emotionally and mentally give self support.

While it feels good to get agreement from others and to have them be in alignment with our ideas and values, it’s not what raising self esteem is about. 

Raising self esteem requires a level of self-trust, believing in aspects of ones own capabilities and the ability to focus on ones own needs, ideas and opinions in any given circumstance. They find value in aspects of themselves. By raising self esteem, people become healthier, their immune system is stronger, and their attitude elevates.

Those who have difficulty raising their self esteem and self worth often find themselves

  • Feeling less adequate
  • Taking things personally
  • Unable to recognize their own capabilities and talents
  • Unable to connect or align with the world outside. They don’t feel they fit in.
  • Feeling misunderstood, isolated or detached.
  • Trusting their ability to make decisions

People spend years increasing their intelligence. They spend hours every week in the gym working out their muscles. Yet when it comes to processing thoughts and emotions in a way that elevates self support, they are not sure what to practice or change. The steps to raising self esteem are not always clear because it primarily focuses around the relations the person has with themselves. That idea confuses many.

There are many who believe raising self esteem merely requires a positive thinking, more confidence or a good attitude. It’s a nice start, but on it’s own it’s not going to really change how one has structured the relationship they have with themselves.

Those who suffer from low self esteem want just as much from their lives as anyone else, yet too often they can’t figure out what is stopping them. They unfairly compare their emotional states to the actions of others. They don’t see themselves succeeding (even when others do), yet have no problems imagining or remembering failures. This becomes emotionally inhibiting. There are even those whose self esteem is so low they can no longer imagine themselves as being worthy of feeling good

Take inventory – ask yourself:

  • Do you often worry others will react adversely to what you say?
  • Do you find it difficult to express your emotions or point of view?
  • Do you find the doubt in one area of your life spreading to others?
  • Do you constantly compare your achievements to what others have done?
  • Do you find yourself avoiding situations where you might fail?
  • Do you believe your talents are minimal?
  • Do you feel misunderstood?
  • Do you feel you have limited choices?

Any of these can hinder self esteem. Who you think you are and the identity you hold will filter into every aspect of your life. The strengths you truly believe in you present yourself to the world. Where you doubt yourself you hold back. Many people mentally see value in themselves, but emotionally can’t support it and it is in our emotions and actions we show the tell tale sign of where our self esteem stands.raising self esteem

Raising Self Esteem – Living Up to Your Own Standards

Self Esteem issues can stem from:

  • Trying to live the ideals other people instead of our own
  • Having poor role models
  • Creating unreachable standards
  • Unrealistic view of ones own capabilities
  • Being overly focused on our faults rather than the value we can offer
  • Emotionally sensitivity – taking things too personal
  • Internal conflicts about who we are or what we should do

Assessing where one stands with themselves is not always easy. Yet without a healthy sense of where one stands, without a supportive self esteem, people are more prone to fall into depression, anxiety, OCD and other emotional challenges.

If you’ve tried tapes, books, meditation, positive affirmations, and still find yourself looking for answers, it is time to try something different. At Designed Thinking, we focus your thought process at those places you have held yourself back and do so in a way you can find new methods to be supportive of your own needs.. Our clients have not only moved past old limiting beliefs and emotions, they have not only found a way to ease out fear, they’ve and discovered a whole new world to play in.

Designed Thinking clients have

  • Dramatically elevated their self-esteem and self-worth
  • Actually experienced the feeling of being complete and whole
  • Stepped out from the shell of protection and begun engaging in life again
  • Overcome deep emotional challenges
  • Embraced their own passion to live life to its fullest

Making changes in oneself isn’t always easy, but staying stuck in a way of being that you don’t like is not only difficult, it can be painful. At  Designed Thinking we can help. Call 866-718-9995.


  1. Am just coming to realize that as the baby of the family am always being pushed about and told what to do, how to do, when to do and more. Even by our home church. Only when I lived away that I lived for me, then my, husband when I married and the our children. When confines came up I had my husband to back me up. When he past and I came back home to live my children pick up on it more so then I and they are my back up. I really don’t know how to live around the bulk of my family.

    • Family dynamics can be complicated. We tend to train each other in how much we are willing to take and put with. Add in the emotional bonds of family and making a change can be challenging. The changes have to come from you, otherwise your family will have no motivation to be different or treat you differently. You do know how to be yourself when you are not in their presence, so it is already in you. When you start making changes in yourself, your family will resist. They will put you down, say you are not being nice, being to sensitive and a whole slew of others reactions. But how is that any different from how you have already been treated.
      You have to find a way to find more value in your own thoughts and ideas and minimize family. They are important, but they aren’t everything and they most certainly are not supportive of you. Good luck

  2. LeslieFChris

    Can low self-esteem be caused by genetics. My mom and aunt both have low self esteem and while my dad seems pretty confident, he never really went for his dreams. He always talked about starting his own business, yet it never happened. I think he was afraid, though I don’t know if that had to do with his self-esteem. In our household, we were never really pushed to follow our dreams, but we did get a lot “be careful”, “don’t make mistakes” and “you have to pay attention to what other people think of your action”, on and on.
    People tell me I’m a really good photographer. I really love doing photoshoots and creating different worlds, but I feel beyond my friends and family who only like them because I am doing them, no one else will like them or that people are just being nice to me. I don’t want to put myself on the line and just be shot down because I have some inflated idea about what I love to do.

    • Leslie
      Self esteem is not caused by genetics. While it is true you may be born with certain sensitivities, what you do with them and how you handle them is learned. It is not uncommon for people with low self esteem to be attracted to others with low self esteem, since neither person really holds themself in a higher light. Beliefs and fears are often passed on from one generation to the next. The examples you gave are not very supportive for someone wanting to follow their dreams. That is not genetics
      The quality of someones life is greatly impacted by their ability to do the things they love to do. Your love for photography does not mean it is an all or nothing path to follow. Continue to share your photos with others and express how much joy it gives you. Forget about whether they like it or not, you do this because it gives something to you. If others enjoy it too, then you are indeed fortunate

    • Marion

      To Leslie

      The causes for Low self esteem are random and relate to cause, not just one given aspect.

      The important thing is rising above the cause by putting in place measure that will win the situation over. Your father obviously had hopes, which he was unable to realise due to circumstances which he could not see around or through, so they eventually got the better of him.

      But do not be tempted to believe that the cause is genetic. The link here is social. Inevitably social patterns are repeated because we learn what we live and experience. However you could begin a completely new pattern by identifying what it is you want to do in your life and doing it. That alone will make the dynamic completely different.

      It was sad for your Dad in a way. I feel that the good thing was that he was able to communicate his heart felt desire. Now you make sure that you get on and DO you own desires be they ever so humble or great. Failure is in the mind. We never lose out when we are strong minded enough to experience things. Other people plant things in our heads or we do it ourselves.
      Be happy! We live in an image conscious world. So what are you waiting for use your photography, after all if you wait for permission from your family/friends you’ll never do anything!


  3. I still dont understand what you are selling, CD audio, video, book one to one in the states?

    You talk of a solution but keep it a real mistery – what is your remedy?

  4. I am victimized by rejections hurtful emotionally detached Myself like a puppy very deep hurt. Anger and shame has traumatized my hard and sad life… Am soft n good heart caring … Am grieving same time … I am profoundly deafness lady living alone isolated life .. Cannot trust people family friends again too much let me fall n hurt I find very very bad … Lots damages self esteem I get verbal abuse n emotionally abuse from my families .. My families are very bad attitudes toward me . Am still grieving from my late dementia father two years ago also grieving my recently late dementia mother month ago .. Dealing with rejections since age 45 and am now 67 yrs old .. Very shocking story about my life I cannot believe what my families doing to me … Am lost interest now n very lethargy. Cannot take anymore also no more worry

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