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  1. When I first met him I thought I found my soulmate he was everything I always wanted and more he made me feel so loved and so beautiful he made me want to be a better person I couldn’t get enough of him I quit my job because he wanted to spend more time together. I put him above all others and before anything I rarely saw my own family. even on holidays I put him and his family first. For the last 10 years I’ve been lied to and cheated on belittled humiliated there are no words to describe that kind of sorrow When he could no longer lie about it or deny cheating He promised to never do it again he promised to be the man I fell in love with being that was the one thing I wanted more than anything. I gave him another chance only to catch him again and be more devastated. For 10 years I’ve walked on eggshells trying to be good enough for him. Now I’m angry with myself because he doesn’t have any love in his heart I really think it makes him happy to see me hurting. I wasted 10 years of my life half my hair is falling out from stress I have not been able to get the dental work I need lm not able to chew to eat I have
    A problem with my right hand it is very painful to grasp anything I’m depressed and tired all of the time and I’m so lonely I feel like my soul has been ripped from me. All I do now is cry how do I begin to get my life back?

    • It is a difficult position to elevate someone so much that we can’t see what is really happening. It is OK to feel excited and interested when a romance starts, but those feelings are not based in any long term experiences with the person. Relationships are a process and more important relationship you have is the one you have with yourself and you were not listening to messages you were sending, thus you walked on eggshells.
      First you have to accept what has happened. You are not a bad person for not seeing what was there, but you will need to learn from it. You feel in love with a low life who may have had some redeeming properties, but still he is a low life. When we trust what people tell us and they don’t follow through on what they promise, the gut reaction is part of you being pissed you were not paying attention to the signs that were there. Also that you did not stand up for yourself and that you kept believing the lies. So you can accept that without beating yourself up and accept this guy is a jerk.
      Yes ten years is a long time, but it is not all of your life. Could be worse, it could have been 20 or 30 years of your life.
      Next step is what are you will to do. This is the hard part for many, since you are probably going to have to completely readjust your life. Start small and don’t make any major life changes other than getting away from him ASAP and finding a new place, if possible.
      There are no right answers for this. If you have a support group, great, if not, see if you can find one. Right now you are focused on how this has effected you, which is understandable. You want to start focusing on what you can effect, what you can do, what is supportive of you

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