Misconceptions of Guilt and Shame

Guilt: A feeling created from having violated ones own standards. A conflict exists between the persons values, morals or actions

Shame: An intense concerned of how other others interpret our actions. We have violated their  standards or perspectivesGuilt shame

Habitual guilt and shame are ineffective methods for evaluating right and wrong

If one is to believe their emotions are sending useful information, then they must trust in themselves. It is hard to trust emotions which consistently signal ones ideas or actions as being wrong. There is nothing right about constantly feeling bad and there most certainly is nothing positive about negative signals that do not facilitate change. The persons relationship with their own values has become distorted.

Many mistakenly believe their morality will diminish unless they continue to feel bad. They’ve been taught to believe guilt and shame are needed requirements for those with high moral standards. Luckily plenty of people hold high ethical standards without the demeaning signals of guilt and shame. They live balanced and helpful lives, they give from the heart and don’t carry the weight of relentless worry.

While some are born with sensitive predispositions, no one is born burdened in guilt or shame. Fortunately, learned responses can be unlearned. The unworkable black and rules of how things have to be can give way to perspectives supporting honesty and freedom of choice.

Those remaining entrenched in the long term perpetuation of guilt or shame often have devastating consequences. They are hindered with low self esteem, often feeling victimized. They will be more likely to blame or complain and be judgmental of others. It’s not productive, nor does it help anyone to become a better person. Guilt and shame also big contributors supporting anxiety and OCD.

If you have had difficulty working through guilt or shame issues, it may be time to make changes which are more supportive to your overall well being. Instead of punishing yourself, make changes in how you view your relationship to the world.

For the past 12 years Designed Thinking has been assisting people to make these changes. No one has to be burdened with negative emotions; they are not mandatory part of life.

Work through your discomfort in the comfort of your own home. If you are ready to begin making changes and improve your life, call our toll free number 866-718-9995

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5 Comments

  1. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past year. Everything was going well until one day I found out he did jail time for physically assualting and kidnapping an ex girlfriend. I was hurt by this. He did admit to the crime but his side of the story was very inconsistent on what the news had said. I really didnt want to believe that I was in any harm until that day. He has hit me twice, threatened to kill me and my son. For the longest time I didnt think he could possibly have the strength to hurts us. Then one day when we were at a pond he tried to strangle me in front of my son. I pleaded with him to let me go, after he saw me turning purple he finally let go. Im scared of him some days and some days he is the coolest person. He says if I leave him he will find me and come after me. Because of this I still keep in contact with him. I think yesterday was a breaking point for him. I left with suitcase in hand, to meet with my Dad. I didnt dare tell my dad what has been going on. I dont want my boyfriend to go back to jail. I know that deep down he has some emotional issues. I dont feel threatened by him anymore. I just know that IM VERY lonely without him. He is the only person that I can talk to for hours. My brain is so screwed up. Please am I making a good decision by keeping my distance? I miss him so badly sometimes. Thank you for your time Nicole.

    1. Nicole
      Everyone has good qualities, whether it is they are good listeners, wise, funny, hard worker, talkitive, quiet, etc. But you have to see the entire package and this package is damaged. That you can relate to him so well tells you that some part of you resonates with aspects of him, parts of him, but only parts.
      I think lions are really cool, but I recognize a lion for what he is and there is a good change I would get bitten, no matter how docile he has been in the past.
      You are confused because your mind is telling you he is dangerous, he has issues, yet you have emotionally found yourself attached to him. That is a tough place to be. But deep inside you already know you can’t stay. He has already shown you how he can be and one day his bit will not stop when you are turning purple in front of your son, he will take it a step further.
      Do you want your son to be raised in an environment that teaches him to abuse women when he is emotionally distraught?
      Look, if you stay it will hurt. If you go it will hurt. But if you go you have options, a chance to find yourself again, a chance to find someone who will treat you well and a chance that your son will have a real dad

  2. If you stay then you are also endangering yoour son. He has to come first and the boyfriend needs to take a hike. You need to get away from him as soon as possible for your safety and your son’s.

  3. If you stay then you are also endangering yoour son. He has to come first and the boyfriend needs to take a hike. You need to get away from him as soon as possible for your safety and your son’s. How can you possibly find reasons to stay with this guy if he is dangerous to your son?

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